Day 1

Today is Thursday, which means I don't have class. My only homework for tomorrow is French, but I dearly need to lock myself in Sterling or Bass and literally study everything else. I meant to wake up at 8 and intentionally went to bed at 12 to do this, but kept going back to sleep until 10. I still don't feel fully rested. This is pathetic. I should have the discipline to get up tired, but so often I don't.

That is obviously something to work on. The whole point of this blog is rather embarrassing. I know I'm spoiled, and have one of the best lives anyone could ask for, and still I don't take advantage of my opportunities to their fullest.

Once a guy at a rush meal asked me where I was from. I wouldn't mention that he was of mixed race if it wasn't relevant, but it was, and you'll see why. I was guessing he wasn't from Manhattan, Greenwich, Short Hills, or Westchester. I said "New York." "What, the city?" "Yeah." "Where in?" "Manhattan." He was starting to be a bit irked by the conversation. "I know, but like, what street?" "63rd." "And what?" "Park." I gave off a sheepish smile. "You don't have to be ashamed of where you're from. You know you really shouldn't be. I have lots of friends from Manhattan and Greenwich and it's really not a big deal." I responded, "I mean it's just not very virtuous. I wish I came from a background, sometimes, from which it was harder to get in. I feel guilty, as though luck gave me a huge advantage." "Don't worry about it. I didn't peg you as someone from Park Avenue from the start, and that's a good thing." He turned his attention toward the other rushes.

He later said I had the look of a politician. I don't know if that's a compliment or not. He also said he was from the ghetto, and his parents were politicians. I wanted to tell him that he had a right to be proud of where he was from: I did not.

Game plan: erase all insecurity. Just kidding. Some french, then a run, then lunch and locked in a library for as long as I can: I still have to do work on Ghana. Every day I need to be more disciplined. Readers, even if there are none right now, please guilt me into it.